New Orleans

Normally, I'm not around alcohol very much. This is by choice and helps me not to drink it which I haven't done for the past 16 years. Spending the last 5 days in New Orleans where drinking is celebrated and encouraged, I am reminded of how much the rest of the world drinks. Watching people stumble around, glassy eyed and obliterated, and probably not going to remember much of how they got that way or what they did in the mean-time, I can't help but wonder: "Is that really the experience they want to have? Maybe the answer is yes. Although there were plenty of fun times when I drank, I usually lost control and did things I'd wished I hadn't done. I try to remember those times instead of the good times, because I do not wish to repeat this pattern I do not have control over. So when I was sitting in a cooking class in the French Quarter yesterday and asked about alcohol substitutes for bread pudding, I was a little surprised at the comments made: "Why did you come here?", "What do you do if you don't drink?". They were basically making fun of me for not drinking. I have not come across this before and am trying to figure out how I feel about it.

I have decided I'm happy with my relationship (or lack of) with alcohol. It doesn't matter to me what other people think of my choices. I have to live in my life and with the choices I make so it doesn't do me any good to change my behavior for other people. Maybe they haven't suffered as I have under the influence of intoxicants? Maybe they don't experience the shame and guilt I experienced. Maybe the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization I felt doesn't show up in their lives? I've decided to take one for the team and be grateful I'm an alcoholic who does not drink. I am anexample of a person who does not drink and is happy. Cheers!

Wherever you go, there you are...

I was in Barnes and Noble the other day and a came across a book in the "discount" bin called, "Wherever you go there you are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I flipped through it and landed on a page where the sentence, "This is it" stood out to me. I started to realize that this is all there is. This moment I'm in is the only one I have. I typically don't like the moment I'm in, wishing for another moment that will be better. That this one isn't good enough. I think in terms of "It will be better later" or I'll lose weight next year, Next time I'll be happier, etc. When am I going to do those things if I don't do them now? How will I have the experience to think that way in the future if I don't think that way now? How will I know what to do, if I don't know what to do now. This is it. This is real life. This is all I have. These are the skills I have right now. If I want something different, I'd better do something different. Living in wishful thinking leaves me wishing for some other life, some other reality than the one I have. There is no other reality. This is it.