I have this habit of wishful thinking. I think this prevents me from experiencing serenity. I wonder where and when I acquired this tendency but I suppose it doesn't mattter because I have it regardless. It's not terribly useful to fantasize about having some other life than my own. Would I be different in that life? Would I be more like you? Would I be happier? This type of thinking reminds me of the NA slogan: "Wherever you go, there you are." So, knowing this, and I believe that I can't have the life I want (even if its yours) unless I do the work to change, its puzzling that I stick to the wishful thinking stuff. When I deconstruct it further, I couldn't possibly know what your life is like without being "in" you. I'm hopelessly stuck in comparing my insides to your outsides and falling short of how I think things "should" be.
I'm a work in progress that's for sure. Two years ago, when I started looking at my codependency patterns, I had no idea what I believed or that I was a wishful thinker. I acted unconsciously and was unaware of why I behaved and reacted the way I did. Awareness is my key to change because I can't change anything if I don't know I'm doing it.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. At least, that's what they say.
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