Perspective

Perspective is everything. There's a common belief in recovery that one cannot change their past but must learn to accept it for what it is/was. I found this useful in early recovery because I was so ashamed of my past and how I had behaved, I wanted to bury it and never look at it again. I wanted to pretend it never happened. I was gently guided to the realization that in order to make peace with my difficult and unskilled past, I must first accept it. Accept it fully with all its bumps and bruises? What a concept. However, even though I was reluctant to do this and frankly, didn't believe this was the way to go, I was so desperate for any kind of peace that I decided to listen and took the steps necessary to achieve this. The process is to work the steps, acknowledge my unskillful behavior so I can let go of the shame I feel. What resulted from this process besides being able to find peace with "what is" is the belief that even though I can't change my past, I can change my interpretation of it. No longer do I beat myself up for past behaviors because I know it was the best that I could do at the time, with the skills I had. There are plently of people who argue that I could have done "better". I would counter that if I could have done anything different, I would have.

I think we all do the best we can with what we have at the moment. I doesn't do any good to beat myself up or judge something in the past as inadequate. All that does is feed my low self-esteem. So, if you think you have a crappy past ... then you do. You can choose to change your perception anytime. Why not now?